


you kept me on your long line

by lucyjaggat



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume, long overdue conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 00:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17436335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucyjaggat/pseuds/lucyjaggat
Summary: Of all the things Julian was, or had been designed to be, anyway, he was definitely not an idiot. He knew that Garak held...a certain appreciation for his looks, maybe even for his personality on a particularly indulgent day. They’d been doing this dance for five years, after all. Even poor stupid Jules Bashir would have learned the steps.





	you kept me on your long line

His first day back on the job after that whole mess, Julian was taking his tray from the replicator a full half hour earlier than his usual time, when, scanning the replimat for friendly faces, he startled at the sight of Garak sitting at their table. Well, clearly half an hour wasn’t enough. Next time, he’d try a full hour, or maybe some odd number that even a former Cardassian spy couldn’t guess, like 37 minutes and 19 seconds off of his schedule. 

There was nothing to be done for it. He strode across the replimat with a reasonably good imitation of that famous Bashir confidence and took his customary seat. 

“My dear doctor,” Garak drawled, hardly waiting for Julian to sit down before starting in. “You simply won’t believe the stories I’ve heard.”

“Oh?” Bashir said, cutting his food with a little more force than necessary.

“I never knew you were so interesting. I always knew you had some, let’s say, hidden talents, but I never imagined this.” 

So he knew. There was no use wondering how. It was probably halfway around the station by now. 

“I must say, I don’t understand the human reluctance to engage in such practices. Look how you turned out! For one, I th--” 

“Do we have to do this?” Julian interrupted nastily. Garak blinked, so quickly it was almost unnoticeable, but Julian always did have very good eyes. 

“There’s no need to be so shy about it, my dear doctor. If I were you, I would flaunt it. Let all of those doddering Federation types see what a real example of humanity is! I always knew you had to be something more, something better than them. You’re much more interesting than I ever suspected.” 

Julian felt his teeth clenching and his fingers tightening around his fork. He stood up, abruptly. “I’ve had enough of this,” he said, too loud. A few people turned around and looked. A few more started whispering. 

Garak got up right after him. “I’m not finished,” he complained. His eyes were gleaming. Bashir, as always when confronted with those glittering eyes, felt the anticipatory thrill of captured prey. He resolved to think no further on this and to leave the replimat as fast as he could. He made it to the turbolift before a hand seized his arm. 

“If you’re quite finished,” he snapped. “I want to go back to my quarters in peace. I’ve had a bloody awful week and I’m quite behind on several experiments.”

“I need to speak to you,” Garak said. 

“You’re speaking now.” God, Bashir was frustrated. His head was pounding. He didn’t have time for more mind games. 

“I want to talk about us,” Garak said, and the grin that took shape on his craggy features was nothing short of malicious. “I believe we have left some things go unaddressed for far too long. When I awoke this morning, I said to myself, now, Garak, today is the day to seize the opportunity! Let nothing go unrevealed! Let all secrets be laid bare!” 

Julian couldn’t help himself; laughed. “You said no such thing.”

“Maybe not, my dear, but I said something similar. And now,” he said, “tightening his grip on Julian’s arm and steering them into the turbolift, “we really should get out of the way so that other denizens of this fine station can use the lift after us.”

***

Of all the things Julian was, or had been designed to be, anyway, he was definitely not an idiot. He knew that Garak held...a certain appreciation for his looks, maybe even for his personality on a particularly indulgent day. They’d been doing this dance for five years, after all. Even poor stupid Jules Bashir would have learned the steps. He couldn’t believe that it was at his lowest moment that Garak would take the opportunity to try to resolve this thing between them. But it made a certain kind of cold sense. Garak would never open up to Julian at his most vulnerable. Only when Julian himself had been brought low would he deign to reveal himself, so as not to lose the upper hand. 

The ride to Garak’s quarters was one of the longest of Julian’s life. Garak dropped his hand from around Julian’s arm once the doors had sealed, but Julian felt it like a brand, skin searing with heat where it had been so recently touched. There was a rushing sound in his ears. He felt light-headed. Unsteady. About to stumble. There was a thrill to this, the moment before ripping off a field dressing, the moment before launching oneself into the air. He wanted to shout. He wanted to run. 

It wasn’t like he’d never considered this, never considered Garak. Five years is a long time. He’d briefly considered near every adult on the station, for God’s sake. But he was an expert at not thinking overmuch about things that he knew were important, perhaps life-changingly so. Lunches, he could handle. Even the odd holosuite caper. Something else, something beyond that was an entirely different question. 

***

They were on Garak’s floor now. Garak put his hand back and guided Julian to his quarters. Julian went, feeling as though he were dreaming. Could this really be happening, now? 

They were inside now. Julian felt the heat, several degrees above what his own body felt to be comfortable. There was a scent in the air, something sharp and a little acrid, but not unpleasantly so. The lights were dimmer, and glowed with a warmth rarely felt on the station. Garak dropped his hand again.

“Are you done manhandling me yet, Garak? I really must go.”

“Not yet, doctor.”

“Well if you’ve brought me here to merely insult humanity in private, I really do have better things to do with my time.”

Garak tilted his head and looked at him unblinkingly. That same mixture of vicious joy and determination pinned Julian to where he stood. 

“I’m just curious, doctor, that’s all.” 

“It’s true, alright?” Julian said tightly. “Two months of surgery on Adigeon Prime and boy failure Jules Bashir was transformed into boy wonder Julian Bashir.”

“Did it hurt?” Garak asked.

“Sometimes.”

“What happened to Jules?”

“He’s gone. I don’t know what’s left of him.” 

“Fascinating!” Garak said in that tone Julian hated. 

Then, impossibly, he stepped towards Julian again and grabbed his shoulders. 

“Self-doubt is a remarkably unflattering trait, my dear.”

“How could I feel anything else, Garak?” Julian bit out. “I’m merely what my father made me.”

“Ah, and there’s something I perhaps know a bit about,” Garak purred. 

“Did you--” Julian stopped. The situation was rapidly escalating and he couldn’t quite believe it. It dawned on him abruptly. “Did you bring me to your quarters to sympathize?”

Garak’s hands tightened, and Bashir knew he was right. Inexplicably, he felt touched by the gesture. 

“I always knew there was something about you,” Garak said gravely, all artifice gone from his tone. The pounding sound in Julian’s head got louder. He realized that it was his heartbeat. “Why else would I be so...captivated by a spindly doctor in a drab Starfleet uniform?”

“I’m not spindly,” Julian protested automatically, weakly. Garak continued almost without hearing him, almost as if he couldn’t stand to stop.

“Five years,” he said. “Five years and I never hoped...I thought something must be wrong with me, to feel like this. I had to tell you today. To have so much happen to you, and not be aware of it right away was intolerable. This order of things simply cannot persist much longer. It is quite a weakness, after all.”

“What is?” Julian asked, barely breathing.

“Love, my dear doctor,” Garak smiled thinly, and, so fast even Julian couldn’t stop it, rushed his face forward and kissed him. Julian turned upwards into the kiss. Garak was warm and close and here was everything he had spent five years pretending not to consider. Well, he was considering it now.


End file.
